Penpals Need Not Apply

You can post a dozen pictures, spell out your life story, list your various characteristics, and message on the site for a few days with your potential match, but it doesn’t become real until one of you asks for a phone number. In the last post, I likened it to crossing a border, but are you crossing from East Berlin into the west or are you going the other way?

I have found over the last few months many women want the number exchange fairly quickly. From what I understand, men are just as bad, if not worse. Pretty much nobody wants a penpal. Meanwhile, I’m thinking, what’s so bad about being a penpal for a bit.

So why the need for the quick exchange? I think it signals several qualifiers. The first thing it shows is that you are on a dating site because you actually want to date. Seems sensible. Secondly, it stands to reason a person who is willing to give a number is single. Anyone who has cheated or been cheated upon knows how hard it is to keep up the charade when a text may come in at any inopportune moment. Third, it simply shows a strengthening interest in the other person. There really is no difference between texting and messaging within the PoF site. I get notifications when I get a message and I answer them like I do a text. And finally, you’re one step closer to talking on the phone. We exchange numbers ostensibly so we can continue texting each other, but we all know the phone call is just a day or two away.

I don’t really like giving my number very quickly and I think I’ve only asked once or twice. If I’m asked, I don’t think I’ve ever said abolutely not. And I’ve never given a fake number. There have been a few times when I’ve said slow down, what’s the rush, we’ve only just met. On the other hand, there have been a few times when I couldn’t be asked quickly enough. And when they asked if I’d like to talk, despite all my shy awkwardness, I hit that button and melted at the “hello”. What a delightful accent you have. I say something funny and she laughs. Oh, I like that.

#onlinedating #middleaged #manspov #middleageddating #lastfirstkiss


3 thoughts on “Penpals Need Not Apply

  1. You are a talented, thoughtful, natural writer so you Express yourself gracefully. But most people are at best, awkward when writing and, at worst, insincere, uncomfortable, or incapable. Maybe people feel like the rapid give & take of conversation or the cover provided by nervous laughter camouflages the lack of depth. I like writing. I like knowing who I’m talking to, not just what I’m talking about.


  2. Continuing a written relationship even after voices and touches have occurred can feel deliciously clandestine. It’s the best of both worlds, according my little world view.

    Liked by 1 person

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