A Dark ‘n’ Stormy Recipe

To the women out there: a suggestion. Do not, I repeat, do not post a picture of you and your mother on your online dating profile, unless your mother is Raquel Welch. At our age, your mother is probably fairly old, possibly frail. I know when I see a picture of you and your mother, I’m thinking my potential match will likely be looking like that in the not so distant future. The other side of the same card is posting pictures with your children and stating in your profile that your children are the most important part of your life. I get it, if they’re still young, your children should be your priority. If they’re in their college years or beyond and you still feel the need to tell a potential suitor that they are your priority, I think I’m moving on to the next lady. This goes doubly, if your dog is your raison d’etre.

Also, please do not post a bunch of pictures of you and your friends. Some women post nothing but group pictures and I not only have to play Wheres Waldo, but Who’s Waldo as well. I have to figure out which woman is in each photo. Spoiler alert: it’s not the best looking one.

I also avoid the women who have too many rules and qualifications I must meet. Her profile is usually split in two halves. The first, under the heading “Me”, informs me that this woman is an extraordinary catch. The second half, entitled “You”, lists a whole bunch of things I better be before I even think of messaging her. The list of musts can include the usual: well-educated, funny, fit, good looking, passionate, successful, etc. often though, it goes into the ultra-specific: eyebrows must not be plucked, slacks not jeans, good grammar, must not eat Macdonalds, masculine but tender, must be able to make me laugh on my worst days, luxury car owners only. I have to think very few men are meeting all the marks and who would want to? Give me a woman who just wants to share an October sunset and a Dark ‘n’ Stormy*.

*A Dark ‘n’ Stormy is a highball cocktail made with quality dark rum and ginger beer served over ice and garnished with a slice of lime. When made correctly, you will know nirvana. Unfortunately, if you drink too many, you will wake up with a terrific headache.

#onlinedating #middleaged #manspov

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