Opening Gambits

I have found over the months, the whole tenor of how a relationship starts rides on the first few lines. Recently, a woman messaged me through POF, writing, I found your profile quite appealing. I naturally replied, Like a banana? Another attractive woman described herself as having very long legs and arms. I asked if she had a very short torso. She answered, No, I do not resemble a Daddy Longlegs Spider.

I got confused whether a woman’s name was Victoria, as in the Kinks’ song, or Veronica, a la Elvis Costello. She answered, The far more interesting name songs, would be “Victoria” or “Lola”, both by the Kinks. She’s a feisty one I thought, replying, The question I should be asking then is, are you a Queen or a queen?

Any woman who states she works in the payroll department, I ask her to put me on the employment list and sign me up to receive checks. Oh, you work in a bank? Can you arrange an interest free loan? (wink, wink) In finance, Maybe we can set up a Ponzi scheme together, just to test our compatibility.

Looking for a big hearted man, I brag mine’s unusually big. In fact, it may just be Cardiomegaly. I need to see a doctor. Should you wear a costume in a picture, I will undoubtedly ask if you can wear it on a date. I may be a tad snarky and need to turn it down a bit.