What do you tell your prospective dates and when? John Lennon was correct: we’ve all got something to hide, except for me and my monkey. Of course, I should disclose I have a monkey (No, I don’t. I’m kidding). Do we need to tell all before we even meet or should we allow the facts to come tumbling out organically? And what info is so important, it really needs to be acknowledged before an initial meet and perhaps should be noted plainly in our online profile?
A woman I know has a dilemma. She’s been chatting with a gentleman for several days and they have decided to go to lunch today. She was a little hesitant to begin with, unsure of whether they’re really a match. Last night, he writes to inform her he has had a debilitating disease since high school that has rendered him unable to walk and he gets around on a motorized scooter. There’s no hint of this in his profile or any of their previous messaging. He hopes this isn’t a problem or issue.
Her predicament reminded me of the woman I had asked on a date who sent me “updated” pictures hours before we were to meet. Her profile said she was very fit and athletic and her pictures there showed a toned woman. Right before sending the new pics, she said, “Don’t forget, fit doesn’t necessarily mean thin.” Thats true enough, I guess, but it also doesn’t mean obese. The new pictures didn’t show the triathlete she claimed to be. I do not mind a few extra pounds, but I did mind the late notice. I went on the date anyway. We both enjoyed a hearty meal and said our goodbyes. Forever, as it turned out.
Now, my friend with the lunch date was put in the position of either going on the date or appearing to be heartless. In her own profile, she lists walking, running and hiking as interests. She lists them because these are the type of activities she’d like to enjoy with her future match. These are not likely future activities with a gentleman dependent on a scooter. I told her I was of the opinion he had withheld important information she would have used to decide whether to even spark up a conversation, because she had the right to calculate how much she was willing to give and how much she needed in return.
She is going on the date by the way. She’s hoping for some sort of “Coming Home” scenario. During the same conversation, she told me about a potential suitor who revealed he was a recovering alcoholic. She rejected his offer of a date, because she enjoyed an occasional martini in the evening or wine with her pasta and it was important enough she wanted to share that with her potential mate. He told her she might have a drinking problem. Then good thing they didn’t go on that date, I thought.
So, again, what rises to the level of needing to be revealed right away? I’m still thinking. I may have to return to this subject a few more times.
#onlinedating #middleaged #manspov
#middleageddating #lastfirstkiss #love #kissing #sex
#fulldisclosure #secrets #handicap #disability